Real Blogger

‘The Bachelor’ On The Wings of Love: You win some, you have some quit on you

It’s hometown date time on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.” Jake reminds us it’s “a huge thing” to propose to a girl within a few weeks. And by “huge thing,” he means fabricated ratings event that may or may not be a sham but will suck me in anyway. Let’s jump into this episode (apologies for the delay in posting). Here’s last week’s recap if you missed it.

• Gia’s hometown date, in New York City: She says she can let her guard down with the other ladies gone. Gia points out all the landmarks in New York City, in case Jake - the pilot - had no idea what the Statue of Liberty looks like.
• Jake has a “burning desire” to get to know Gia’s “heart” when he kisses her. Yep. That’s exactly what his burning desire is for. Gia’s ex cheated on her with all of her friends. Sounds like she needs new friends.
• Donna, Gia’s mom, is worried Jake is going to break Gia’s heart. She does know how this show works, right?
• Gia’s brother looks like the forgotten Backstreet Boy. And her mom is sure Jake is going to choose Gia. She must not read the spoilers. Even though Jake is as happy as he ever has been with Gia, you know he’s going to screw her over. Must be the brunette hair. Bonus points for Gia having a good-looking mom, though. Keep that in mind, Jake.
• Ali’s date, in Williamstown, Mass.: Ali technically gets her second chance to show Jake where she is from, with San Fran the first time, and this time her hometown. It took Ali all of 5 seconds to mention Vienna. Clever editing or not, no one is putting Vienna’s name on Ali’s lips but her.
• With Ali, Jake seems totally at ease. He doesn’t seem like he’s testing her. The only hangup is the whole Vienna thing. If I was Jake, that would be a dealbreaker. But I’m not Jake, because that would mean I’m making out with four women and wear a lot of plaid.
• Ali takes Jake to her dead grandma’s house. I hope the new owners aren’t moved in, peering out the window and wondering who these strange people are on the steps.
• Family meet-up time, as Ali tries to make us believe she would stop liking Jake if her mom didn’t like him. Her mom, Beth, says she Googled Jake to get his background. Good thing she didn’t Google Gia or Vienna. R-rated (Vienna has a topless shot, Gia was in Maxim… and, actually, Ali had a wardrobe malfunction this season)! Beth gives Jake her blessing. And Ali says she’d get engaged if Jake asked her; Jake responds by shutting her up with his mouth.
• Tenley’s hometown visit in Newberg, Oregon: Is it me, or does she always seem like she’s on the verge from either crying or exploding? Like the squeaky clean stuff is just barely holding on.
• Tenley says all types of things her ex-husband never appreciated about her, such as her dance moves. Let’s be honest, she’s auditioning for Dancing with the Stars. *cough Melissa Rycroft cough*
• Jake hopes the family interview will help him confirm Tenley is over her ex-husband. You know, the ex-husband she talks about all the time. Um, yeah, Jake. She’s over him. If by over, you mean, “You’re her rebound.”
• Tenley’s dad said he watched The Bachelorette when Jake was on it and wished Tenley would meet a guy like Jake, and now here he is. He even gets teary-eyed talking to Tenley about the conversation the two had. Now I see where Tenley gets it.
• Is there a rule that says Bachelor contestants must have well-off families, by the way? You never see a family visit in an apartment complex or trailer park. It’s always well-to-do families with girls who were going to find a man, regardless. Let’s mix it up and get in some girls who have concerns beyond just finding a husband. Anyway, Tenley’s dad gives Jake the blessing to marry his daughter.
• Vienna’s home visit in Sanford, Florida: Please tell me this involves a swamp ride. Well, it kind of does, as Vienna notes she “grew up on the river.” Take that for what you will.
• Producers are mean to play hillbilly banjo music when Vienna’s dad is talking. What, he doesn’t deserve the right to defend his daughter? He actually points out Jake is technically dating four girls at once. At least one of the dads isn’t pandering to him.
• If Jake really is in love with all four of these very different girls, then maybe he doesn’t really know what he wants. Gia AND Ali? Tenley AND Vienna? But it looks like his rose ceremony decision just got a little easier. Ali drops by, in tears. Her employer (she works for Facebook!) says they’ll fire her if she doesn’t quit the show, although if it’s Facebook, wouldn’t they want the publicity of having a Bachelor winner on staff? Another thought- if Jake really wanted her, he could just eliminate the other girls and get with Ali after the show is over. There is nothing saying he can’t do that. So, no matter who he chooses, I think there is that possibility Ali is his real choice behind-the-scenes.
• Jake comforts her by saying they “have something really special” and that she should figure out if she’ll regret losing him or losing her job more. Way to go, Jake. Unless Jake knew for sure he wants to marry her, he should man up and just eliminate her, so that she doesn’t feel like it was her fault. Or call up Facebook and tell them to stop being all Myspacey. By the way, didn’t Ali tell Facebook about the length of time she could potentially miss? They must have known, which means they probably told her don’t go in the first place or we’ll fire you, and at this point, they are tired of it. Or it means they probably thought she was going to get kicked off right away and figured it wouldn’t be a big problem. Ah, speculation.
• Rose ceremony time. They have those photo frames set up like Jake is at a funeral parlor mourning their loss. They’re not dead! They’re just kinda desperate! So Ali talks to Jake one last time, and decides she can’t risk not getting with Jake in the end and losing her job. When the going gets tough, Ali gets going back to work. Jake says he’ll be devastated if she leaves, but me thinks the three beautiful women downstairs will soften the blow. And considering Ali is a whimpering, dress-up-her-thighs, mascara-running mess right now, Jake looks calm and collected.
• By the way, Jake never really does much “Oh please don’t leave!” pleading, other than some basic “We kinda have something going here” comments. If I was Ali, I think in hindsight I’d think about that and wonder if he was as committed as I was.
• “I don’t know if I made the right choice,” Ali says as her limo pulls away. She better have one sweet job at Facebook, like VP of Status Updates or President of Farmville or something.
• But this all means no rose ceremony, so in a way, Jake avoids having to make a decision. It was made for him. He looks elated because of that, as he clearly loathes rose ceremonies. So do viewers, but that’s because they drag on for 45 minutes.
• Getting roses: Gia, Tenley and Vienna. We’re down to the final three, and with Ali out of the way, Vienna has a major roadblock to Jake gone.