Pop Quiz, Hotshot!

Jonah Hex goes retro

PQH! was going to really lay into DC Comics. We were gonna offer a major complaint about their new graphic novel “Jonah Hex: No Way Back,” especially since this ought to be a top-grade product with a big budget Jonah Hex movie coming out in June.

The film, starring Josh Brolin, Megan Fox and John Malkovich, does seem to take a few liberties with Hex, but it still looks kind of fun.

So we were all ready to complain … and then we felt guilty about not liking it as much as we think should.

The 136-page hardcover about DC’s malformed cowboy, which hit stands early next month, is written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti. And for us, a “Gray and Palmiotti book” is as good as gold. PQH! has loved them on books such as “Monolith” and “Power Girl,” so we didn’t have any doubts.

But then we looked inside, and the art by Tony DeZuniga was really .. uhm … underwhelming.  Perspectives were awry. Characters looked squashed.

In fact, one has to seriously worry about DC’s decision-making: Why would they hire a C-Grade artist for a book that can score some major sales on the coattails of “Jonah Hex” movie?

Then we flipped to the back and read the creator profiles — lo and behold, Tony DeZuniga isn’t just some “C-Grade artist” — he’s the guy who co-created Jonah Hex and illustrated the character’s original adventure back in 1972.

So for that, we certainly can give “Jonah Hex: No Way Back” a little slack. Reconnecting readers to an industry veteran gets high marks in my book, and something that always appreciated.
However, DC did itself a disservice by not  marketing the book that way. Modern readers will be put off by DeZuniga’s style, and older readers won’t ever hear about it because DC offers far too little context about DeZuniga’s influence on the character and the industry.

And honestly, reverence for a veteran artist aside, this art just doesn’t cut it. It’s more 1980s underground zine than modern big publisher.
As for the story, “No Way Out” offers a few details on the cowboy’s early life and introduces us to Hex’s until-now-unknown half-brother, and the two make some attempts at being all family-like.

But as happens with any Jonah Hex story (and most modern Westerns) things go south, and they never truly recover. Hex tries to rally the troops, but unless you’re a veteran gunfighter, a rally can only go so far.

Yes, it is familiar territory. And that’s about all “Jonah Hex: No Way Back” has to offer: Art that you feel you ought to like (but don’t particularly) that’s coupled with the kind of Western story you’ve seen far too often.

– JOHN SIMCOE

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Galaxy 2 stands among Mario’s greatest

As Americans, we’re rightfully choosy about which mass-media entertainers we allow to use single names.Think Madonna.

Beyonce.

Chyna.

Gallagher.

Best of the best, right?

But one diminutive Italian dude towers above them all.

Since he arrived on the princess-rescuing scene in 1981, Mario has needed no introduction. You know this guy. He wears blue overalls and jumps on stuff. He likes mushrooms and coins and warp pipes and, above all, shiny things. His best friend is a dinosaur.

And perhaps it’s that universal familiarity that has prompted some videogame writers to pepper their otherwise exclamatory praise for “Super Mario Galaxy 2,” the latest title in a franchise that has sold more than 220 million units, with hints of fatigue.

“Superfluous,” “unnecessary” and one of the best Mario games of all time, declared Kotaku’s Stephen Totilo.

“We should, by rights, be well sick of (the Mario formula) by now,” said The Escapist’s Susan Arendt, “but it’s hard to be cranky when the level design is this good.”

Better than ‘good’: If the cognitive dissonance sounds weird, that’s because it is.

We’ve become such a preening, entitled bunch of babies that most of us can’t bring ourselves to start by saying what ought to be said: “Galaxy 2″ is one of the very best platformers ever made, and it’s certainly the best game on the Nintendo Wii.

There are blemishes — those chintzy star bits from the first “Galaxy” return, for one — but they’re wee ones, and we’d be lucky to get titles this good five times as often.

Pretending as if the first “Galaxy” (and every other game in the Mario canon) never existed, “Galaxy 2″ begins with a five-minute tutorial to establish the ounce of narrative context you’ll need for the next 20 hours or so — Bowser is as big as a planet and steals Princess Peach, but Princess Peach has promised Mario cake.

Time to jump on stuff!

The game cuts you loose with the quickness. In the first 10 minutes, you’ll have careened around asteroids, leapfrogged black holes, hopscotched across disappearing elevators and slaughtered a baby piranha plant.

To the races: And you’ll have driven the laws of physics into humiliating exile, such are the gravity-defying heroics you’ll pull off in “Galaxy 2.”

The sequel keeps the spherical levels of the first game, but just as often, it stretches, perforates and bedazzles them with grouchy turtles, rope swings and other sundries from the Mushroom Kingdom.

These worlds — you travel between them on a spaceship styled after Mario’s face — are the most hazardous, creative, candy-coated obstacle courses ever

And fortunately, they bear revisiting. As with the first “Galaxy” and other 3-D Mario games, “Galaxy 2″ has you tromping about 40 or so stages in pursuit of 120 stars. Collect all of those, and you’ll unlock the privilege of finding 120 more.

Collect all of those, and you unlock a final world — something I’ve not accomplished yet — for a crack at two final objectives, bringing the total star count to 242.

Not alone: Yoshi, Mario’s anatomically puzzling dinosaur companion (he lays eggs), appears in “Galaxy 2,” and he’s in fine form. By eating special fruits purposefully strewn through certain levels, he turns into a blimp, a lantern or a red-hot bullet that can scale vertical walls and run across water.

The fruits are fun, easy-to-use additions to the game; it’s just a shame that you’re given little license to experiment with them. Each power-up is placed conspicuously close to the section of the level where you’re meant to use it.

That makes some sense — unlike the fire-flowers of Marios past, each fruit expires after 15 seconds or so — but you’re never at a loss for what you’re supposed to do.

The same goes for Mario’s four new power-ups. The best of them is a suit that lets you conjure three clouds mid-air, bridging otherwise un-jumpable distances.

You’ll also play with a rock suit and a giant drill; ice flowers, fire flowers and the ghost and spring suits return from the first “Galaxy.”

Again, little room for experimentation, but the mechanics are so tight that you likely won’t complain. The game challenges your fingers more than it does your brain, which will be plenty busy chewing on the finer points of jumping upside-down or running inside a sphere.

There’s so much more to love — the outstanding orchestral remixes of old Mario tunes, the streamlined world map, Yoshi’s heart-melting repertoire of grunts and squeals — but it’s best left to discover on one’s own.

Trust Nintendo, and trust Mario. If you’re looking for a reason to put down “Red Dead Redemption” or “Alan Wake,” you’ve found it.

I don’t assign stars or scores these days, but if I did, “Galaxy 2″ would get a babillion out of five. So there.

We’ve discovered the beavers’ secret plan

Pardon our ignorance, but PQH! isn’t really all that well versed in why beavers make dams or how they do it, but that does not stifle the pure awe we have for this particular beaver dam.

Recently discovered in Canada’s Wood Buffalo National Park, the monster-sized lodge is said to be the world’s largest, is more than a half-mile long and researchers theorize construction on it began in the 1970s. (In comparison, the Hoover Dam is just a mere 1,200 feet long.)

They say it can be seen from space, and the mere thought of that has PQH! wondering why beavers need to make anything seen from space.

Just who are these tree-hating rodents trying to contact anyway?

– JOHN SIMCOE

Malice in Wonderland

Being a pop culture junkie, PQH! naturally has a certain fascination with the greater Los Angeles area.

If you watch enough movies and TV shows, you actually get familiar with all sorts of L.A. landmarks from the La Brea Tarpits to the Griffith Park Observatory.

Those places are pretty nice and PQH! would actually want to visit them if we ever vacationed in the City of Angels.

But until now, that’s all I could do for those landmarks. Just visit.

That all can change now, because I’ve found a L.A. landmark that you can rent and even live in.

Here’s the listing of a lovely home in Laurel Canyon.

Two bedrooms. Two bathrooms. Off-street parking. Not bad for $2,500 a month in one of the U.S.’ most expensive communities.

The only problem? It was the scene of a quadruple murder, and not just any quadruple murder, but the infamous “Wonderland” murder — the one that involved legendary porn star John Holmes and a gang of drug dealers.

According to this forum post, the place has been on the market since at least mid-April and the owner has already dropped the price by $300 a month.

It’s a deal for L.A., but it’s certainly a deal with a one heck of a catch.